Walking Away

In The Gambler, Kenny Rogers sang,

"You gotta know when to hold 'em;

Know when to fold 'em;

Know when to walk away;

Know when to run ..."

Sound advice but in real life situations, how do you actually know when to do those things? You can know something isn't going smoothly and you can suspect there's a problem, but if you don't know what the problem is, you just keep on keepin' on and spinning your wheels.

That's where I was for the last four months. When I was offered the opportunity to illustrate a picture book, I was over the moon. I knew nothing about the illustration process, but I could learn. I'm generally up for a challenge -- not sky-diving or tight-rope walking, but I'm good with things that allow me to keep my feet on the ground and use my brain.

But with this challenge, there was more to learn than I realized. The publisher wanted digital art. I had zero experience with that. But, as I said, I was game to learn. I invested in an iPad and digital art software and then I proceeded to watch and practise YouTube videos. I went to the library and studied picture books. I scoured the internet, looking for what I thought might be a suitable artistic style for this particular story. I filled my sketchbook with drawings. I tried to come up with scene concepts that would reflect the story and add another dimension to the text.

And I did learn. Since taking on this project, I have become modestly skilled on the iPad, and I have acquired a basic understanding of the illustration process.

I was moving in the right direction ... I thought.

I'm not sure when I went from feeling optimistic and enthusiastic to being frustrated and anxious. But it gradually became clear to me and the editor that we were stalled. Why couldn't I deliver what was wanted? Partly because I didn't clearly understand what that was.

It wasn't anyone's fault. We were all trying to make things work. But it just wasn't happening. I dug in my heels and tried harder. While everyone else was doing Easter, I was working on the picture book. But after four 16-hour days of rethinking and reworking two illustrations and still not being happy with the result, I knew I was in over my head.

The editor suggested that illustrating wasn't for everyone and perhaps it wasn't what I had thought it would be. I began to think about that. Was she right? I'm not a quitter, but the author of the book I was trying to illustrate deserved better results than I was producing. And that's when I decided it was time to swallow my pride, admit I was beaten, and walk away.

It was the right decision. As soon as I acknowledged it, an enormous sense of relief washed over me, and that was all the confirmation I needed. The editor was very understanding (and as relieved as I was, I think.)

But here's the kicker. As soon as I knew I was no longer illustrating this picture book, I needed to do some art -- my art. I needed to reaffirm my belief in myself. But I still wanted a challenge, and that meant I needed to abandon my penchant for detail and aim for something loose and rough. So I pulled out my watercolours and the big brushes. I did the painting quickly. It isn't perfect, and I'm okay with that. It's grubby and overworked, and I'm okay with that too. I was on a mission, and I wasn't concerned with meeting anyone's criteria but my own.

After completing the painting, I went back to the iPad. Damn it! -- I was not going to let a bit of technology beat me. I think part of my struggle with digital art is that it isn't watercolour. That might sound silly, but I like the transparency of watercolour, and so far I haven't figured out how to achieve that on the iPad. Perhaps digital art can be made to have a watercolour look -- but I'm not proficient enough yet to know how achieve that. (I see more YouTube videos in my future.) In the meantime, my primary goal is to make the digital images I create look less like pieces of plastic.

And finally I felt the need to do some pencil work. I'm currently teaching a drawing course at Elders College, and I think that was the inspiration. That, and the fact that I stumbled upon a photo I'd had every intention of drawing almost 20 years ago. It was time.

(To see larger versions of any images on the page, just click on them.)

So now that my art frenzy is over, it's time to get back to Those Lawler Girls, a middle-grade novel set in 1918-19 Winnipeg. It follows 12-year-old Jenny as she battles a frenemy at school while simultaneously dealing with the aftermath of World War I, the threat of the Spanish Flu pandemic, and the Winnipeg General Strike. Now where was I? Oh, yes ...

13

It seemed to Jenny that she'd been stuck at home forever, so she should have been over the moon to be heading back to school. But when she, Rose, and Louisa stepped onto Wolsely Avenue the next morning, it wasn't excitement churning in her stomach. It was fear. Behind the lilac bushes in her yard, she'd been safe from the flu. It might have been swirling in the air above the rest of Winnipeg, but as long as she and her sisters stayed in their yard, it couldn't touch them. Now though, she felt like a soldier venturing out of her foxhole onto a battlefield riddled with land mines. One wrong step and …

Thanks for reading. See you next month.